You’ll probably enjoy reading this if

You’ve been on Hinge and found that only being able to answer three prompts was pretty limiting. It’s just hard to get a sense of someone from three. So, to hopefully entertain some people and break up the monotony of being on the app, I made a website and, in my own way, answered every prompt on Hinge. This won’t be for 90% of people, or perhaps even most of the remaining 10%, but one person might make it worth the time it took.

1. A random fact I love is

I am personally responsible for my company dropping $88,000 on puppets, including one that any other famous tech CEO would have rightfully fired me for.

2. Best travel story

Off the top of my head? I told an arcade operator in Singapore that I spent an hour playing the claw machine because I was trying to get a Stitch plushie for my daughter. Out of pity, he gave me the Stitch and a Hello Kitty. I don’t have kids.

3. Dating me is like

Having one of those hairless, hypoallergenic cats. Sure, he’s weird-looking, but he’s still your special little guy.

4. A boundary of mine is

Putting a semicolon in a tweet. Knock that shit off.

5. I want someone who

Regularly cancels plans to take bubble baths.

6. If loving this is wrong, I don't want to be right

Feeding stray cats until I am accepted as their messiah.

7. Apparently, my life's soundtrack is

Whatever the flute-playing imp who haunts my attic wants it to be.

8. A life goal of mine

I have simple wants. A loving partner, a comfortable retirement, a rational way to make others believe that at night there are huge purple eyes watching me from the woods behind my house.

9. Biggest risk I've taken

Exhaustive and experimental Hinge meta profile that can be easily viewed and shared by anyone, inside or outside the app.

10. Change my mind about

Paganism. Spend some time with their beliefs and try not to come away at least a little charmed.

11. A quick rant about

I like the idea of dating apps. But, look, if your personality is brunch, hiking, travel, wellness, positivity, and avocados, you’re not giving me a lot to work with.

12. My greatest strength

A head of hair that will transport your fingertips to a provincial field full of infinite lavender.

13. Most spontaneous thing I've done

Purchased the @NYPD Twitter account. Go on, check. I’d be doubtful, too.

14. First round is on me if

I’m alone. I’m too pretty to buy my own drinks.

15. Give me travel tips for

Since 2022, I’ve flown something like 80,000+ miles. Tips are appreciated, but I’m wheels down for now.

16. Green flags I look for

You’ve made it this far. This is also a red flag.

17. Guess the song

Thousands of people must have put the lyrics to that Rickrolling song here, and thousands of people must have laughed, and at least a few of those thousands must have gone on to date, get married, and have terrifically unfunny children.

18. How to pronounce my name

It depends on how mad at me you are. It can and has gone all sorts of ways.

19. I bet you can't

This prompt is misogyny.

20. I feel most supported when

My friends tell me, “Yeah, you should do a website where you answer every Hinge prompt! That’s a great idea!” despite knowing that this could blacklist me with women the world over. Like, “Oh, you’re the guy who did the Hinge thing?” *clacks away on perilously high heels*

21. I geek out on

If anything from this list strongly resonates with you, just DM me: John Crowley’s “Little, Big,” retro JRPGs, Warhammer painting, The Witcher 3, video game soundtracks, classical sculpture and portraiture, Tuscany, abstract expressionism, Studio Ghibli, having an interior design style that has been described as a “haunted library” by some and “dark academia” by others.

22. I get myself out of a funk by

This implies that I want out. I’m basically Oscar the Grouch. Life’s good in the trash.

23. I go crazy for

The same thing we all go crazy for: waking up from an Ambien stupor to discover that I went on Etsy at 4AM and bought $1,400 worth of bronze statues.

24. I hype myself up by

Seeing my reflection. Damn, dude. Nice swoosh.

25. I know the best spot in town for

People who’ve really thrown in the towel and aren’t expecting anything else from life. It’s a great bar.

26. I recently discovered that

Leaving a full can of spray paint on a hot stove does not make a great first impression on your new landlord.

27. A shower thought I recently had

We exist in a universe that is 13,800,000,000 billion years old and contains roughly 200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars. Countless civilizations beyond our ability to comprehend have come and gone in that time, while others continue not only to exist, but to thrive, and still, this thing’s algorithm thinks my best match is someone who unironically lists “vibes” as her love language.

28. I wind down by

Doing the same thing we all do. I step into a pair of slightly too large sweatpants, throw on a cozy hoodie, place a sacred amulet made of bird bones around my neck, don the crown of antlers, and yeah yeah you get how these jokes go by now.

29. I wish more people knew

Woo to the Young to the Woo. There’s no wrong time to learn where this is from or what the appropriate response to it is.

30. I won't shut up about

The time I had an otherworldly experience while driving from Rome to Viareggio on a grey, wet, overcast day in April of last year. A doctor would say that what I experienced was sleep deprivation-induced euphoria. But I am telling you that for an hour and a half, I, an agnostic, held God’s hand. When I met up with my team in town, they asked how my drive went, and all I could do was say “fine,” check into my room, and sit on the edge of my bed for three hours.

31. Do you agree or disagree that

If you make it to the end of this list, we’ve already had our first date. Think about it, in true first date with a man fashion, it’s mostly me talking about myself without asking you anything.

32. I'll brag about you to my friends if

You get along with my mother. Kidding! I’m kidding! She’s great!

33. I'll give you the setup, you guess the punchline

Ugh.

34. I'll pick the topic if you start the conversation

Uuugh.

35. I'm convinced that

If there is an “other side,” cats are somehow connected to it.

36. I'm looking for

A nerd, a dork, a geek, and a dweeb all rolled into one final boss of online dating.

37. I'm weirdly attracted to

It’s fun to imagine how many otherwise great Hinge profiles this prompt absolutely cratered.

38. All I ask is that you

Cool it with the exclamation points. This profile is funny. It isn’t that funny, Rebecca.

39. Let's debate this topic

Can we just order take out, put on the most oversized clothes in each of our closets (you can wear mine, it’s fine, you’ll have a selection of favorites by this point anyway), and have a Ghiblithon instead?

40. Let's make sure we're on the same page about

The smell of rain falling on hot asphalt. Heavy snow when we have nowhere to go. Dinner from a Dutch oven. Making time to do nothing. The spiritual necessity of stargazing. Cardigans. The sanctity of nap time. Putting my fireplace through its paces. Placing tiny hats on indifferent animals.

41. Don't hate me if I

Give evasive answers about all the locks on my basement door. I did what I could, but it turns out that some portals are one-way.

42. My BFF's take on why you should date me

These are his actual words: “I just farted.”

And these are his wife’s actual words: “For the sheer enjoyment, quality of conversation, and joy of geeking out about nerdy things. Ken is a good man who needs a woman who doesn’t just tolerate but appreciates his varied interests (no matter how dorky they are, lol, and they’re dorky). If you date Ken, that tells me you love to read, enjoy deep conversations, appreciate being respected and valued, and want to travel to beautiful places and enjoy delicious food. Ken appreciates the finer things in life, and I want him to find a woman to share all of that with him.”

43. My Love Language is

Eating most of your leftovers, then gaslighting you into believing that you brought home less than you remember.

44. My best Dad Joke

I already cheated by “Ugh’ing” my way through two prompts, so I guess I have to answer this one. Why did the scarecrow receive a medal? Because he was out standing in his field.

45. My best celebrity impression

I don’t have celebrity impressions but I can do the accents of several European countries. Not on here, obviously, but definitely on the date you end up instantly regretting as I refuse to break character.

46. My biggest date fail

Spent every other day for a month “dating” someone (I didn’t realize they were dates) without noticing that they’d been throwing me more green lights than the Aurora Borealis. This included her coming to my house for Thanksgiving and using my leg as a pillow. She had to corner me in a bar and basically “AHEM” me several times. This is the kind of intense situational awareness and attention to detail that you too can enjoy.

47. My cry-in-the-car song is

Every song is a cry in the car song when you’re a creative director working in tech whose coworkers are almost exclusively engineers.

48. My favorite line from a movie

“Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance, Simba. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope to that stupid looking fucking anteater thing over there by the turtles.” – Mufasa, The Lion King

49. My friends ask me for advice about

A surprising amount, considering how often my advice has catastrophically failed them.

50. I’ll fall for you if

Birds passionately sing your name. Stones hold your footsteps in their fondest memories. Light races light to announce your presence, even in the shadows. You don’t give a shit about Valentine’s Day.

51. My happy place

There is a place in Tuscany I like to visit in the summer that has several stray cats living on the property. At the start, there were two: Girl Cat and Boy Cat. The house is very old, up to 700 years in some parts, and there were lots of ways for cats to get in. Sometimes, I would wake up in the morning to find that Boy Cat had snuck into my room and curled up between my legs or at the edge of the pillow. That worked. That’s all I need.

52. My last journal entry was about

I would say that I don’t journal, but what is this if not that?

53. My most controversial opinion is

You can measure a person’s intelligence by their susceptibility to conspiracy theories. Likewise, meeting someone who doesn’t believe in coincidences is the surest and most consistent sign that you have met an idiot. This isn’t controversial (well, not to everyone), but it is a great filter, especially for women bombarded by Hinge dudes who take this prompt so seriously that they used it to make a conspiracy theory one of their three.

54. My most irrational fear

Opening champagne bottles. I can’t do it. I can’t even watch other people do it.

55. My self-care routine is

Clearly not working.

56. My simple pleasures

Hooting. Hollering.

57. My therapist would say I

I don’t see a therapist, but if there’s one out there reading this, they’re salivating.

58. Never have I ever

There should be trapdoor prompts on Hinge that shadowban you for answering them. This would be one.

59. One thing I'll never do again

In college, I challenged two of my friends to a competition at a local restaurant that would let you eat a three-pound cheeseburger for free if you could finish it in under forty minutes. Both friends got really sick. One had to run vomiting from the restaurant. I won… but at what cost?

60. Proof I have musical talent

In the third grade, I had a piano teacher who died right after taking me on as a student. My rendition of Mary Had a Little Lamb hit that hard.

61. Saying "Hi!" in as many languages I know

Boooring. Using this prompt should bar your entry into the Kingdom of Heaven.

62. Something that's non-negotiable for me is

No summoning circles, not even as a joke. Take that box of chalk and candles somewhere else, sister.

63. A social cause I care about

Saving the rainforests, maybe? Maybe not. A lot of those animals are dicks.

64. Worst idea I've ever had

Is wrapped in chains and buried deep.

65. Together, we could

Dig up my mistake from prompt 64. Maybe seven years in the ground has chilled it out a bit.

66. A life goal of mine

Get the book published, get the trilogy written and published, get the other three I want to write written and published, accept all the awards, move to gated and secluded Tuscan villa, start work on magnum opus, die halfway through, become a ghost, haunt the villa once it becomes an Airbnb.

67. Typical Sunday

Candles. Eight-hour-long YouTube videos of rain falling. Texting my partner from work to get her shit in gear so we can finally start our podcast about getting more women into Warhammer 40,000.

68. This year, I really want to

Get into a sword fight that leaves me with a cool, X-shaped scar on my cheek. Some people want to see the Grand Canyon or run a marathon. And that’s fine, I guess. Lame, honestly, but fine.

69. The way to win me over is

By recognizing that life is more fun when you act like an idiot.

70. Unusual skills

I really want to show off my drawings, but drawing isn’t an unusual skill. So, visit kenandpencil.com and pretend I drew everything there while hanging upside down in the corner of my living room like a bat.

71. Two truths and a lie

I don’t think starting down a path of deception before we’ve even met is the right way to begin our courtship.

72. Weirdest gift I have given or received

There is a series of children’s books called Elephant & Piggie. They are about what they sound like they’re about. The elephant has anxiety, and the pig is cool and collected. One day, my boss was reading one to his kid, and he thought, “You know whose writing this reminds me of? Ken’s!” He then sent me the entire 26-book Elephant and Piggie anthology. He didn’t tell me it was coming, so when it did, I spent several hours teetering between confused and afraid.

73. You should leave a comment if

You want a better story than “we met online.” It won’t be much better, but it’ll be better.

74. The one thing I’d love to know about you

If you had favorites among these, what they were. It’ll tell me a lot without requiring you to bring shame on your family by writing one of these websites yourself.

75. What I order for the table

On my first trip to Seoul, I ate live octopus tentacles. Maybe you’ve seen them on TV. They kill the octopus, sever the tentacles, and then serve them in oil. The tentacles are still moving and their suckers still work, so they crawl around and stick to the inside of your mouth. Anyway, whether we go to McDonalds or the French Laundry, that’s what the table is getting. Guess my friends shouldn’t have forgotten my birthday again.

76. When I need advice, I go to

My friends, of course, so I know what not to do.

77. We’re the the same type of weird if

I had you at prompt 7.

78. Try to guess this about me

You’ve read 77 of these. What’s left to guess about? My Social Security number?

79. We’ll get along if

You prefer quiet over chaos, calm over calamity, and connection over commotion.

80. Teach me something about

Astrobiology. While I don’t believe that we have ever had contact with other forms of intelligent life, the more I learn about cosmology, the more convinced I am that not only are we not alone, we are on the subway at rush hour.

81. The key to my heart is

Found at the end of a very long but memorable side quest, so full of rich NPCs and new vistas to explore that some have called it more like an expansion to the main game than a side quest.

82. The dorkiest thing about me is

This is like asking a hurricane which of its rain drops is the wettest.

83. The hallmark of a good relationship is

Constant, good-natured trash talk.

84. To me, relaxation is

Having made it to the end of this thing. It’s a feeling that probably only I will ever know, but whether the elation I’m feeling has been worth the time it took to get here remains to be seen.

Oh, wait, forgot one.

85. The one thing you should know about me is

Responding to your DM could take me a while. I’m obviously going to be swamped with date requests for years to come because of this website.

I finished all 85 of the original Hinge prompts on this website around 6/12/25. A week later, Hinge released ten new prompts in collaboration with Esther Perel, a psychotherapist known for her work on modern relationships. This is fine by me. I don’t believe in half-measures. So, here we go again.

86. I’m in my element when

Hard rain falls on my old house. You can hear every drop, almost to the point that they can be counted, and it sounds like nature is trying to communicate. What it’s trying to say, I don’t know, but I prefer it that way.

87. Before we meet, you should listen to

Let’s make a deal: I won’t intrude on your Spotify if you don’t intrude on mine. If things work out, maybe you can force your, whatever, Bon Iver x Taylor Swift deep cut remixes that make you cry on me.

88. Where I go when I want to feel a little more like myself

Home alone is the only place I ever feel like myself, even if I’m not quite “alone.” My house is packed with portraits, painted and sculpted, of long dead people. I like to think that I keep their souls, spirits, and memories alive and in rotation by prominently featuring them on walls and shelves.

89. I could stay up all night talking about

See prompt 80. I don’t care if this is cheating. Hinge adding 10 new prompts a week after I released this project is also cheating.

90. You'd never know it, but I

Really enjoyed writing the first 85 prompts, right up until I saw the ten new Esther Perel ones. It was like reaching the top of Everest only to be told they added an indoor rock climbing facility to the summit that you had to scale with all your gear on for it to count.

91. In my friend group, I'm the one who

Says what we’re all thinking. This has made me an essential part of the group and the one that everyone else has to give the eyeball to when a touchy subject turns a corner.

92. Something my pet thinks about me

I don’t have pets, so do I just get a freebie here to talk about anything I want, like the free space you get in Bingo?

93. It's not a vacation unless

Everyone is trying to get me to go see some museum like the Uffizi and all I want to do is watch the weather change over a field of olive trees..

94. The kindest thing someone has ever done for me

Not firing me for accidentally starting a beef between the fintech company where I work and the Secretary of the US Treasury.

95. An award my family would give me

I’m going to leave this one unanswered and we can both pretend that it’s something to do with reaching the end of this website for the second time in a week and a half.

Learn more or follow me on Twitter

Questions?
kenziegler@protonmail.com